The real impact of anti-LGBTQ policies on youth mental health.
KEY POINTS
Anti-LGBTQ laws increase exclusion and harm youth mental health, creating barriers to development.
Heteronormative beliefs erase LGBTQ identities, causing shame and long-term struggles with self-acceptance.
Inclusive education, representation, and allyship help create a world where LGBTQ youth feel valued.
In recent years, we have witnessed a troubling rise in anti-LGBTQ legislation and political rhetoric aimed at restricting the rights and visibility of LGBTQ individuals. From laws that ban gender-affirming care to restrictions on LGBTQ-inclusive education, these measures not only harm the individuals they target but also reinforce a culture of exclusion and perpetuate harmful stereotypes about LGBTQ people.
Whenever I hear someone say that being LGBTQ "isn’t for kids," I get curious about the messages they internalized growing up and how those messages have shaped their worldview. The reality is that LGBTQ youth exist. They are in our schools, our communities, and our families. Yet, policies that erase LGBTQ identities from classrooms and public spaces send a clear message: that being LGBTQ is something to hide, something inappropriate, or even something shameful.
As an LGBTQ-affirming therapist, I sit with clients daily who tell me what it was like growing up and having to hide aspects of themselves. Much of my work is helping them to externalize the harmful messages they internalized about themselves that have contributed to low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth—something I refer to as “messages from the playground.”
“Messages from the playground” are the subconscious beliefs we all pick up from our childhood. We have them about everything from money, success, school, and failure, to gender and sexuality.
The messages we internalize about the world and ourselves—our “messages from the playground”—shape our belief system, and it is our belief system that controls the way we operate our lives and influences how we perceive the world around us.
Many of my clients recount experiences of feeling misunderstood and invalidated as children, leading to lasting developmental challenges and struggles with sexual or gender identity shame. The effects of the policies enacted over the last few years—and even more so in recent weeks—are not theoretical; they manifest in real mental health challenges, disproportionately affecting LGBTQ youth.
The Trevor Project reports that more than 1.8 million LGBTQ+ young people (ages 13-24) seriously consider suicide each year in the United States, with at least one attempting suicide every 45 seconds. The Trevor Project, a crisis intervention and suicide prevention organization, as wonderful a group as they are, unfortunately exists because there are LGBTQ children who think it’s not OK to be who they are and would be willing to take their own life rather than be themselves.
Heteronormativity—the belief, conscious or unconscious, that being heterosexual is the only natural or “normal” sexual expression—plays a significant role in these political attacks. It permeates everything from the songs we hear on the radio to the curriculum taught in schools and the images represented in mainstream media. The more deeply embedded heteronormativity is in our culture, the easier it becomes for lawmakers to justify policies that exclude or erase LGBTQ identities.
For LGBTQ individuals, heteronormativity is like humidity: It’s not always consciously registered, but it is felt everywhere. Growing up in a society structured around heteronormative ideals makes it nearly impossible to avoid absorbing fragments of queerphobia, whether from family, religion, or cultural messaging. Even the most well-intentioned families can unintentionally pass along subtle messages that being LGBTQ is something "other," something different, or something to be tolerated rather than celebrated.
Challenging these harmful narratives requires intentional effort, both individually and collectively. It’s not enough to provide passive social support—we must actively work to normalize LGBTQ identities for future generations. Visibility, education, and affirmation matter. When we erase LGBTQ representation from schools and public spaces, we are not protecting children; we are failing them.
Creating a world where closets don’t exist begins with each of us and what we consciously or subconsciously teach. Children need to be taught acceptance of others and acceptance of self—and acceptance is taught just as easily as intolerance. If we don’t consciously build love, fear-based forces will step in to take its place.
To help, here are seven proactive steps from my book, Raising LGBTQ Allies, that individuals and families can take to help heal homophobia and transphobia, prevent bullying, and be active allies:
Consider that at least one child in your family is LGBTQ. This mindset helps to interrupt heteronormative thinking and fosters early allyship.
Practice proactive self-introspection. Addressing personal biases and internalized beliefs is key to creating an inclusive and affirming environment.
Be inclusive in conversations. Normalize LGBTQ identities by incorporating inclusive language, such as asking, “Does your friend have a boyfriend or girlfriend?”
Provide LGBTQ-inclusive books and media. Representation matters, and exposure to diverse stories helps foster understanding and acceptance.
Create an open, affirming space. Safe environments allow children to express themselves freely without fear of judgment.
Engage in authentic conversations. Asking questions, even when uncertain, shows a willingness to learn and support LGBTQ individuals.
Lead by example. Children learn by watching the adults around them. Demonstrating authentic allyship and self-acceptance teaches invaluable lessons about inclusion and respect.
The most powerful way to foster a more inclusive society is to embody the very change we wish to see. When we commit to challenging heteronormativity, advocating for LGBTQ rights, and addressing our own internalized biases, we create a future where every child—regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity—feels safe, seen, and valued.
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